Knowing your spouse’s love language can make the difference on how successful your relationship is. You may be showing love to your spouse by doing things that reflect your love language, not theirs. For example, if your love language is “Acts of Service”, then it will be easy for you to do “Acts of Service” for your spouse and you may think that should keep their “Love Tank” full. If your spouse’s love language is “Quality Time” and you do not know that, then you can do “Acts of Service” all day long, but they may not be feeling loved. In Gary Chapman’s book, “The Five Love Languages“, he identifies 5 love languages that help us know how to show love to our spouses. They are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. When our love languages are not being given, we can feel unloved and that means our “Love Tank” is empty.
My love language is “Acts of Service” and one of the ways my husband keeps my “Love Tank” full is by rubbing my feet at night when I go to bed. He rarely misses, even at times when he is tired. I enjoy it so much and it helps me relax and go to sleep quickly. My husband’s love language is “Quality Time” and because he loves to ride his bike, I decided to buy one also, and now we go riding together on the weekends. That gives us quality time together and helps keep his “Love Tank” full. Of course we do other things for each other, but those are big ones.
We usually have more than one love language and it is easy to identify them when you read about them in Gary Chapman’s book. I remember one anniversary my husband took me to dinner and when we arrived and were seated, one of the staff brought me a beautiful bouquet of flowers, delivered earlier by my husband. Of course everyone at the restuarant was convinced that he was the greatest husband in the world. I love flowers, but what meant the most, is that he had arranged all of it before hand and bought the flowers and planned how to have them delivered. He had done an “Act of Service” and that had filled my “Love Tank” more than the actual flowers.
If you need help keeping your spouse’s “Love Tank” full you can join “Love Tanks“. It is an amazing web site that helps you keep track of your spouse’s “Love Tank”. It is a lot of fun and you can work on it together. I encourage everyone to read the book and join “Love Tanks” to keep your relationship growing and keep the excitement present. Successful relationships take work and time and because we live in such a busy world it is important to be intentional about building a stable, safe, long lasting relationship.
Go for it and have fun.
Vickie Parker, LMFT