Dwayne has been gone 2 months today. It still is hard to believe that he will not be calling me anymore or be at the house when I go see Carol. He would always come out and greet me, with a hug, when I drove up. I would love to hear his voice or get a little hug and feel his arm around my shoulders just one more time. It has been painful losing my brother so quickly with cancer and I still feel helpless and lost. I just wish the ache inside would go away.
Life is going on and we are all adjusting to life without him. Last Sunday Carol,(Dwayne’s wife) Roy,(my husband) and I took one of his canoes out to Whiskeytown Lake and paddled around the shore for a few hours. It was awkward as we are not experienced with a canoe and I am sure Dwayne was looking down laughing at us as we tried to negotiate loading and unloading the canoe from his truck. We got it into the water okay, but it took us a while to get the rhythm down for the paddling. It was so beautiful out at the lake and I can understand why he loved canoeing so much.
After someone close dies, it causes us to reevaluate our lives and ask ourselves, “What is really important in life?” It isn’t things, it is relationships. I want to appreciate the people in my life and treat them as though it may be the last time I see them. I do not want to live with regret and think if only I had told them how much they meant to me. I had that opportunity with Dwayne, and I am so thankful. He was loved by all and he will remain in our hearts until we see him again.
If you are struggling with people in your life and not appreciating them for who they are, think about what life would be without them. Maybe you think it would be better and maybe it would, but if they love you and they are doing the best that they can, love them back and focus on their positive traits. Seek help if you need to. You would be surprised what a few sessions on communication and learning to own your own stuff can do for you relationship. Be proactive in seeking better solutions to your relationship problems. No matter how flat the pancake, there are always two sides. Seek to understand instead of seeking to be understood.
Life is too short to spend it with anger and bitterness. Learn to forgive and move on. Do not be a victim and give all your power away to helplessness. Live life to its’ fullest and enjoy everyday with gratitude and thankfulness. You will sleep and feel better.
Vickie Parker, LMFT
vickiemft.com, Online counseling